Tuesday, August 29, 2006

What's that sucking noise?

Yeah. So.
I work. For the last six weeks, it's been six days a week. That's earned me a lot of money--to the point I realize I should have been doing it a long time ago, because my finances have never been in better shape. I mean, I'm still in debt, but I'm not so worried about this month.
Lindsay's mother got breast cancer--again. The first time was 14 years ago, so she gets regular check-ups and this time it was caught at stage zero, which is the best case scenario. Lindz went to Colorado to be with her mother for the week of the surgery to help her mother recuperate, and she gets back to Dallas tomorrow. A 2cm amount of material was taken out of her mother's breast and sent to a lab, and they're sure they got it all, and that's good. They found a stage 2 cancer among the less serious stuff which they didn't know was there, so they don't know how much more there is, so that's bad. Just to make certain, she's going through chemotherapy and radiation treatments just in case there's anything else there they don't know about.
I'm in my Russian class three days a week preparing for the voyage. I recently had a phone conversation with the dean of the school about what I need to do to get there, and he said he'd set things in motion from his end once he gets back to Russia, which should be today (he teaches at Harvard for the summer program every year).
I still need to file my taxes for this year and finish paying for last year. I need to figure out what it is I'm going to sell, and how I'm going to sell it, and how I'm going to pay for taking school in another country and still pay my credit card debts while I have no job. I have ideas on this front, but I don't know how feasible they are just yet and I can't find out until I have more information.
Worse--Lindsay and I are breaking up when I leave. A long distance relationship like this just isn't feasible, so the plan is to enjoy the time we have while we have it, and say goodbye as cordially as possible and remain friends after I'm gone. The reality is that this isn't as easy a plan as it sounds.
So to escape reality I'm spending too much of my time doing nothing that solves any of my problems. I'm not studying as much as I should, I'm not exercising at all, and I'm only exercising the bare minimums of cleaning the house and taking showers and doing laundry and things like that. I'm reading a lot and finding various flash/shockwave games on the internet and I play them for hours upon hours. I download videos and I watch them. I fantasize about the winning the lottery and what I'd do with the money and how much I'd cry as soon as I got my hands on the necessary cash. I pray and I pray that I'm making the right decision by putting my career in front of my relationship (not for the first time, I realize). I smoke. I think scary or depressing thoughts and I try not to bother other people with them.
Until now, I suppose.