Oh, the pain of a tattoo is great--but in the long run, it's COMPLETELY worth it. My first ink was six years ago, and I was the tinest little baby about it. It was a traumatic amount of pain, and I couldn't conduct myself like a functional human being. The only reason I kept going after I started is that a tattoo isn't a job you can half finish. And after a few weeks, the pain is gone, but the artwork remains.
What I heard was right--you can't get just one. Once the memory of the pain faded, I got a feeling of survival. Rough as it was, I made it through intact and complete. Complete, and yet more than I was before. I lost nothing of who I was, and gained something powerful and permanent that would be who I would be for the rest of my life. I needed another.
Three years ago, I got my second one. Nothing as important as the first, but it was time. The second wasn't as hard to endure as the first. I suppose I was just prepared, knowing what had happened before and knowing I could make it through a second time. And I did.
I still felt I was incomplete. I needed a balance, another picture as an equal and opposite to what I already had. Now that process has begun, and I couldn't be happier. It'll still be a month or so before I have my back filled out to my saticfaction, but filled out shall it be.
Pictures are up now--more to be posted as I get them.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Who I Am
I like being able to help others. I like it more when I can repay a favor.
I'm living in a new place now, and I really like it. It's just Heather and I, in a place we're sub-letting from a friend until she comes back into town in August. After that, Heather's off to Chi-town and I'm going either there or to Moscow
My God, but that seems close. Of course, compared to the last year and a half I spent preparing for it, it IS close. I'm getting more and more ready for my audition, and it scares me a little. I performed it in front of an audience today for the first time, and I didn't like what I did. I know I'm capable of better work than that, but to my credit, it's the first time I actually performed the piece instead of merely reciting it while driving. Big difference.
I get my new tattoo on Monday, thanks to the love of my little sister. I'm such a wimp when it comes to taking the pain of getting it done, but all told, it's a pain that doesn't last forever, and the artwork will.
Back to my original statement—Eric helped me move into this place, and I know it wasn't any easier for him than it was for me. He's moving this weekend, and though he got to borrow my truck, I didn't feel like I lent him as much of a hand as he gave me. I spent a few hours after work tonight helping him make another trip, and I feel uber-refreshed for having done so. I hate taking without giving back, and with this done, I can sleep a little easier tonight. I wish I could do a little more, though.
Some time ago, last November I think it was, I changed the "about me" section of my profile, and included a paragraph describing a few of my beliefs. It's a list of things I hadn't ever thought about before. But to name it and to publicize it as I did made me evaluate who I am and what I want in this world, including how I want to affect it and how I want to be affected by it. As a result, I very much like the person I'm becoming. I have pride and respect for myself, and I'm beginning to see some of that reflected back through those who surround me.
There's always something I wish I could change, but mostly it's superficial stuff like the length of my hair or the size of my gut. The biggest thing I lack now is discipline. I wish for the discipline to fulfill my responsibilities, to meet my goals and reach for my dreams, and to shape myself and my environment to meet the standards of what I want for my life. Perhaps that's a little esoteric, but it's all I feel like describing in a blog at this hour J
Thank you for reading. Again J
My God, but that seems close. Of course, compared to the last year and a half I spent preparing for it, it IS close. I'm getting more and more ready for my audition, and it scares me a little. I performed it in front of an audience today for the first time, and I didn't like what I did. I know I'm capable of better work than that, but to my credit, it's the first time I actually performed the piece instead of merely reciting it while driving. Big difference.
I get my new tattoo on Monday, thanks to the love of my little sister. I'm such a wimp when it comes to taking the pain of getting it done, but all told, it's a pain that doesn't last forever, and the artwork will.
Back to my original statement—Eric helped me move into this place, and I know it wasn't any easier for him than it was for me. He's moving this weekend, and though he got to borrow my truck, I didn't feel like I lent him as much of a hand as he gave me. I spent a few hours after work tonight helping him make another trip, and I feel uber-refreshed for having done so. I hate taking without giving back, and with this done, I can sleep a little easier tonight. I wish I could do a little more, though.
Some time ago, last November I think it was, I changed the "about me" section of my profile, and included a paragraph describing a few of my beliefs. It's a list of things I hadn't ever thought about before. But to name it and to publicize it as I did made me evaluate who I am and what I want in this world, including how I want to affect it and how I want to be affected by it. As a result, I very much like the person I'm becoming. I have pride and respect for myself, and I'm beginning to see some of that reflected back through those who surround me.
There's always something I wish I could change, but mostly it's superficial stuff like the length of my hair or the size of my gut. The biggest thing I lack now is discipline. I wish for the discipline to fulfill my responsibilities, to meet my goals and reach for my dreams, and to shape myself and my environment to meet the standards of what I want for my life. Perhaps that's a little esoteric, but it's all I feel like describing in a blog at this hour J
Thank you for reading. Again J
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Life is Grand (no, really)
Spent some time in a great town with a wonderful woman. Heather is so much fun to be with, it makes me ache a little...
I had a wonderful birthday, thanks to my friends and co-workers. They're awesome. Last year, most of the happy birthday messages I got (aside from the obligatory ones from the family) came from things like Defensive Driving.com.
We got a kitten, too. My boss found him in the engine of her car, so we pulled him out and Heather and I took him in. His name's Fred. We need to get him to the vet, but we're looking for the mobile services that sometimes appear in front of various pet stores during certain hours on certain days. Any information leading to the whereabouts/times of these things will be greatly appreciated.
We're moving again soon, too. Pain in the ass that it is, the lease here is up in a few days, so we're sub-letting from a friend for the next couple of months. I hate moving with a glorious passion, but it's gotta be done.
Maybe someday, I'll have a true "home" where I stay for years—maybe the rest of my life, and maybe just until retirement. Either way, I expect/hope it's soon. And if not . . . . maybe I'll be able to afford movers.
And I'm working on selling most of what I own, whether I leave town or not. I'm in a quite serious amount of debt due to the fact that I failed to live my 20's in squalor so that I could afford the lifestyle I've lived the last several years. Kinda bass-ackwards, but there it is. If I can sell off most of what I own, perhaps I can equalize and start this whole thing over again. And maybe if I find success fast enough, I won't have to.
Damnation, but if only I could get a grip on my life before it's gone. I found an amazing, beautiful, passionate woman to spend my time with. Now if only I could add a career to that, I think I'll be completely happy.
I had a wonderful birthday, thanks to my friends and co-workers. They're awesome. Last year, most of the happy birthday messages I got (aside from the obligatory ones from the family) came from things like Defensive Driving.com.
We got a kitten, too. My boss found him in the engine of her car, so we pulled him out and Heather and I took him in. His name's Fred. We need to get him to the vet, but we're looking for the mobile services that sometimes appear in front of various pet stores during certain hours on certain days. Any information leading to the whereabouts/times of these things will be greatly appreciated.
We're moving again soon, too. Pain in the ass that it is, the lease here is up in a few days, so we're sub-letting from a friend for the next couple of months. I hate moving with a glorious passion, but it's gotta be done.
Maybe someday, I'll have a true "home" where I stay for years—maybe the rest of my life, and maybe just until retirement. Either way, I expect/hope it's soon. And if not . . . . maybe I'll be able to afford movers.
And I'm working on selling most of what I own, whether I leave town or not. I'm in a quite serious amount of debt due to the fact that I failed to live my 20's in squalor so that I could afford the lifestyle I've lived the last several years. Kinda bass-ackwards, but there it is. If I can sell off most of what I own, perhaps I can equalize and start this whole thing over again. And maybe if I find success fast enough, I won't have to.
Damnation, but if only I could get a grip on my life before it's gone. I found an amazing, beautiful, passionate woman to spend my time with. Now if only I could add a career to that, I think I'll be completely happy.
Sunday, May 20, 2007
Insomnia
It's nearly 6 a.m. as I write this, and I can't sleep.
In three hours, Heather and I are getting on a plane to New Orleans
My mother got Librarian of the Year for Lewisville ISD.
I met with two of my best and oldest friends, both of whom haven't lived in the same town as me in years.
My 29th birthday is Friday.
Another of my friends became a father for the first time.
I'm trying to lose weight, but I can't tell if it's working.
I'm afraid of the future. Specifically, the next 2-3 months.
Then I'll be afraid of the next 2-3 years.
I can't think of anything else.
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Goals/Deadlines
I got confirmation from Moscow this week about my audition. I'll be in Cambridge Monday, July 9th until Thursday, July 12th. I don't need that many days, I'm sure, but I haven't been in two years, and I want the chance to go back and enjoy myself. Any of you Stanislavskians (most especially the Stanisomniacs) who can be there that week has a drink on me.
That's A drink. One. I love you, but I'm poor.
Furthermore, being back in Taekwondo has been amazing. I feel the changes, the discipline and control within myself that first made me love the artform. On Thursday, April 5th at 6:00 p.m., I have my first belt test in more than two years. It's Chung's Taekwondo, at the corner of Marsh and Trinity Mills in Carrollton. All are invited to watch me kick a little ass.
A note on my birthday; it's two months away, true, but I got my present all worked out. Six years ago, I got my first tattoo--now I'm ready to finish it. Anyone who wishes to get me anything at all can help me pay for my ink. My sister, who is a piercer at a tattoo shop, has me connected with an artist already.
Let's do this. I'm a cashew.
That's A drink. One. I love you, but I'm poor.
Furthermore, being back in Taekwondo has been amazing. I feel the changes, the discipline and control within myself that first made me love the artform. On Thursday, April 5th at 6:00 p.m., I have my first belt test in more than two years. It's Chung's Taekwondo, at the corner of Marsh and Trinity Mills in Carrollton. All are invited to watch me kick a little ass.
A note on my birthday; it's two months away, true, but I got my present all worked out. Six years ago, I got my first tattoo--now I'm ready to finish it. Anyone who wishes to get me anything at all can help me pay for my ink. My sister, who is a piercer at a tattoo shop, has me connected with an artist already.
Let's do this. I'm a cashew.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Hurdle
So I wrote to the dean of the MXAT school in Moscow to make certain I'm still on track to join them in August. He wrote me back with a polite "Who are you again?"
Reminding him wasn't difficult, but he faced me with a new hurdle. There's a new master instructor, which is to say one who doesn't know who I am. In short, I have to fly to Cambridge MA this July to audition for him (any Stanislavskians up for a reunion?)
It was frustrating, because it says to me I no longer have a guaranteed shot at this school, as I have believed for the last year and change. Indeed, I won't know before July if I'm even actually going at all, and then, if I'm accepted, I leave for points East a month later. And there's still the selling of my things and loans to be obtained during that month.
At first, MXAT was chasing me. As time has passed, it became more a case of me not only chasing them, but having to remind them who I am each time I catch up.
When I got the news, I panicked a little, and considered my options as I will should I not pass the audition, or discover that I can't get the money together. I have Heather in my life now, who happens to be also leaving Dallas in August. She's going to Chicago, a city I fell in love with from the first time I visited there--a place I have wanted to end up since I was 17.
Going to Chicago wouldn't be a bad idea--not one iota--even if Heather weren't in the picture. But after much soul-searching and important conversations, I decided NOT to give up on Moscow just because the road got difficult. If I'm not going, it won't be because of my own decisions. It will be because it's not possible.
And if it's not possible, I have no problem starting my career in the city I love with the woman I love. And I'll get to keep all of my stuff. Well, most of it. Probably.
Reminding him wasn't difficult, but he faced me with a new hurdle. There's a new master instructor, which is to say one who doesn't know who I am. In short, I have to fly to Cambridge MA this July to audition for him (any Stanislavskians up for a reunion?)
It was frustrating, because it says to me I no longer have a guaranteed shot at this school, as I have believed for the last year and change. Indeed, I won't know before July if I'm even actually going at all, and then, if I'm accepted, I leave for points East a month later. And there's still the selling of my things and loans to be obtained during that month.
At first, MXAT was chasing me. As time has passed, it became more a case of me not only chasing them, but having to remind them who I am each time I catch up.
When I got the news, I panicked a little, and considered my options as I will should I not pass the audition, or discover that I can't get the money together. I have Heather in my life now, who happens to be also leaving Dallas in August. She's going to Chicago, a city I fell in love with from the first time I visited there--a place I have wanted to end up since I was 17.
Going to Chicago wouldn't be a bad idea--not one iota--even if Heather weren't in the picture. But after much soul-searching and important conversations, I decided NOT to give up on Moscow just because the road got difficult. If I'm not going, it won't be because of my own decisions. It will be because it's not possible.
And if it's not possible, I have no problem starting my career in the city I love with the woman I love. And I'll get to keep all of my stuff. Well, most of it. Probably.
Sunday, March 4, 2007
Growth
Well, I didn't find out if I got the part with FUNimation; in this case, no news is bad news. They usually start recording less than a week after the audition, so whoever got the part(s) has surely laid down an episode or two by now.
Eh, whatever. Life is one long string of rejections and failures, accented by the occasional victory. Besides, it wasn't the only thing going on in my life.
Yesterday, I had the kind of day at work that makes me both proud and sad. Proud because I felt like a superstar--my tables and the tables around me loved me so much, every word I said was gold to these people. It was the kind of experience that makes me happy to be doing what I do. I gave several dozen people an amazing experience, and I had so much fun doing it that I felt better about not having my career yet. At least I'm entertaining people, and I made great money doing it.
On the other hand, it's that kind of complacency that keeps me from pressing my carreer, and a few years down the line I'll get depressed again for the fact that I haven't been pressing my career. But I guess as long as I realize my mistakes, I'm less likely to continue to make them . . . . right?
At any rate, I came home from work to find that Heather had put away my laundry and cooked me yummy dinner. Pasta and broccoli and shrimp and cheesy goodness. I even got a backrub, not for the first time.
Mark Happy.
In other news . . . .
Last July, I found out my older sister was pregnant again.
Last Monday (ten days past his due date, mind you), I found out my older sister was no longer pregnant again. Three days before his older brother's birthday, and three days after his mother's birthday, Matthew Ryan Nelson was born at 8 lbs 2 oz.
These pictures were taken just a few hours after his birth--the youngest baby I've ever held.
Eh, whatever. Life is one long string of rejections and failures, accented by the occasional victory. Besides, it wasn't the only thing going on in my life.
Yesterday, I had the kind of day at work that makes me both proud and sad. Proud because I felt like a superstar--my tables and the tables around me loved me so much, every word I said was gold to these people. It was the kind of experience that makes me happy to be doing what I do. I gave several dozen people an amazing experience, and I had so much fun doing it that I felt better about not having my career yet. At least I'm entertaining people, and I made great money doing it.
On the other hand, it's that kind of complacency that keeps me from pressing my carreer, and a few years down the line I'll get depressed again for the fact that I haven't been pressing my career. But I guess as long as I realize my mistakes, I'm less likely to continue to make them . . . . right?
At any rate, I came home from work to find that Heather had put away my laundry and cooked me yummy dinner. Pasta and broccoli and shrimp and cheesy goodness. I even got a backrub, not for the first time.
Mark Happy.
In other news . . . .
Last July, I found out my older sister was pregnant again.
Last Monday (ten days past his due date, mind you), I found out my older sister was no longer pregnant again. Three days before his older brother's birthday, and three days after his mother's birthday, Matthew Ryan Nelson was born at 8 lbs 2 oz.
These pictures were taken just a few hours after his birth--the youngest baby I've ever held.
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