My life is really looking good lately. I've got so much of what I want, I feel guilty wanting more. Money is good, my relationship with Heather is wonderful, and my TKD and Russian lessons are going very well. but I had an audition with FUNimation that could give me a principle role for the first time in the three yeas since I started working with them. But can't that be okay, to want that, too? For so long, I've tried and I've waited for different things to come my way, and one by one I'm getting them. It's enough to make me feel a little nervous, wondering when, if, and how any part of it is going to come crashing down.
About two years ago, I found something out about instant karma. I was in a restaurant. I was holding a Coke over the table, bragging about how good I am at my job. I can make anyone laugh who comes through. I make buckets of money, when I really try. I give people life-long memories for the hour or two they spend in my company, pictures and laughter and an experience that will be with them forever and ever, something they will always talk about. I was emphasizing my points with the hand that was holding the glass, and the very moment I made my final point, I dropped the damn thing.
It was a really good drop, too. I hosed down the entire table, along with myself and the three other people I was sitting with. Quite an embarrassment, considering I had *just* finished bragging about what a good waiter I am.
It was then I began to realize any time I get too cocky or overconfident, I believe that God himself reaches down, curls His forefinger beneath His holy thumb, and thumps me back into place. Sometimes, like with the Coke, it's a little thump. Sometimes it's bigger, like hitting the only other car in the parking lot because I was too involved in looking cool driving my big red truck, listening to my music all loud and trying to tear ass out of the parking lot.
I've found that I can be confident without being cocky. If I stay humble and realize that I'm lucky to have my fortunes instead of bragging about them, then everything tends to turn out okay. But as soon as I begin to act like I have what I have because the universe owes me a favor for being cool, the back of my skull feels divine intervention in the same manner as the jerkoff kids who sat behind me on the bus in middle school.
It's very effective.
I'm thankful for what I have, knowing that if I don't take care of that which I hold most dear, I could lose it forever; this has happened before. But I still strive to get more of what I want, because I believe complacency leads to stagnation, atrophy, and my ultimate demise.
Someone asked me recently when on Earth did I find religion. I wasn't raised going to church, but I wasn't taught anything against it, either. It's just in recent years I've begun to see and experience enough in this world that I cannot deny that there is a presence beyond the individual lives of humans, being. Maybe it's the Christian God. Maybe it's The Force. Maybe it's my own spirit animal. Maybe it's the psychic energy of billions of people that harmonizes and makes us all One, flowing around and within and through every living thing on the planet and through every non-living thing on the planet that humans hold dear, working on us to give us ultimate balance and harmony on a universal scale. Whatever it is, calling it God is simplest for me, since the terminology is already in place.
Besides, I think God Thump has a nice ring to it.
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